Emotions: Why We Feel What We Feel
If you’ve ever wondered why a small comment can linger in your body all day, or why calm can vanish the moment pressure enters the room, you’re not alone. Emotions are universal—and part of our everyday lives.
If you’ve ever been told you wear your heart on your sleeve, you already know that emotions draw attention to what matters most: the aspirations of our hearts and the outcomes we hope for. Emotions shape how we show up in the world. They influence how we respond to what we experience. They point to what we love, value, and care deeply about.
And yet, many of us were never taught how emotions actually work.
Why do we feel what we feel?
Emotions Are Not Random
Emotions are not weaknesses, distractions, or inconveniences to be managed away. They are instinctive signals—intelligent responses arising from the nervous system to help us assess real and perceived threat.
Before the thinking mind has time to analyze a situation, the body is already responding. Heart rate shifts. Breath changes. Muscles subtly brace or soften. These sensations are the universal language of emotion.
In other words, emotions don’t start in the mind.
They start in the body.
The Nervous System at Work
At the core of emotional experience is the nervous system. Its primary job is to keep us alive by constantly scanning our internal and external environments and asking one essential question:
“Am I safe right now?”
When the answer is yes, we tend to experience emotions such as calm, curiosity, joy, or connection.
When the answer is maybe or no, emotions like anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, or shutdown can arise.
None of these responses are wrong. Each one is adaptive in context. The challenge isn’t having emotions—it’s not understanding them.
Emotions are complex. And as difficult as some emotions may be, they are a gift—even the painful ones—because they add depth, meaning, and information to our lived experience. Imagine what life would be like without them.
Why Suppressing Emotions Doesn’t Work
Many high-achieving adults have learned to push emotions aside in order to perform, lead, or care for others. While this strategy can work in the short term, it often comes at a cost.
Emotions have a beginning, a middle, and an end. When emotions go unprocessed, they don’t disappear. Instead, they get stored in the body and show up elsewhere—in tension, fatigue, reactivity, indecision, or a persistent sense of being “on edge” or feeling “off.”
Emotions may remain unresolved for many reasons: a desire to avoid pain, lack of information about how to process emotions, or fear of letting our guard down and losing control. When we skip over the body’s signals, we miss valuable information—and meaningful opportunities for growth.
Building Emotional Literacy
Feelings arise from internal emotional states and are often sparked by external events, passing thoughts, or physiological changes. Not all feelings are troublesome. To be fully human is to experience the joys, anger, and sorrows of life.
Emotional literacy begins with noticing:
What sensations are present in my body right now?
Where do I feel them?
What might this emotion say if it could talk?
The Feelings Wheel (Willcox, G., 1982) is like a color wheel, offering a rich range of emotional hues to help us name and articulate what we feel. This process deepens our understanding of ourselves and others, strengthens connection and relationships, and enhances emotional well-being by giving meaning to our lived experience.
Regulating Emotions
Managing and regulating emotions is a fundamental life and leadership skill—one that begins with noticing and naming sensory data. Naming emotions helps bridge the gap between the emotional and cognitive parts of the brain, making regulation more accessible.
Without access to the prefrontal cortex, we can become caught in a spiraling stress response—where rumination runs rampant, fear intensifies, and the brain’s vital bandwidth is depleted. In these moments, survival becomes the aim.
But what if the situation isn’t truly life-threatening?
What if we’re responding to the story we’re telling ourselves?
When emotional reactions spill over, they can impact entire teams, undermining performance and productivity. The prefrontal cortex supports logical thinking, impulse control, and emotional regulation—helping us respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
It’s never too late to learn how to regulate your body and emotions. If noticing physical sensations feels challenging, start with language. Have you ever had “cold feet” about giving a speech? Snapped at someone when you didn’t mean to? Or accused someone of giving you “the cold shoulder”?
These everyday expressions point back to bodily sensations—and offer valuable clues to what’s happening beneath the surface.
Mindful Walking Practice
Take a moment to do a gentle internal body scan.
Then, take a slow, mindful walk, paying attention to each step.
Notice the sensation of your feet lifting, moving through space, and making contact with the ground.
As you walk, engage your five senses.
What do you see, hear, feel, smell, or notice in your body?
When you’re done, pause and notice what’s different now.
