Learning to Thaw: What I've Unlearned About ‘Having It All Together’

A Typical Day

Several years ago now, I had what I can only describe as a typical day. Three back-to-back calls, a custom report to write and code, a child to pick up from day-care, groceries still to buy — and somewhere before 5 pm, a full-body realization that I hadn't stopped all day. The accelerator had been on at full speed since morning.

The Wake-Up Call

This was a learned behavior I began to consciously unlearn when my mom was diagnosed with MS. I couldn't help but wonder if the pace she kept had been a contributing factor. I already lived with a mild form of neuropathy — I didn't need one more health issue. (Years later, I'd be diagnosed with breast cancer anyway.)

Here's the thing I didn't know then: "having it all together" was an unrealistic expectation I placed on myself, out of fear of being judged and rejected by others.

Stuck on "Freeze"

That had been my norm for so long, I didn't realize how "frozen" I was — stuck in a freeze response, though I thought it was just part of adulthood. Tight jaw, shallow breath, shoulders up to my ears, powering through. Turns out that's a dysregulated nervous system.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Change has been an intentional daily practice. Progress over perfection, learning to trust the process and stay active in it — these are part of a life-long learning journey. Two steps forward, one step back. Clients often lament the steps backward, and I used to too. Now I know that's an important part of expanding my window of tolerance and strengthening my skill set.

The Skill Set: 3N Model

That skill set is the 3N Model™. I first wrote it down as a set of pillars in my book, Somatic Awareness: Leading with Body Intelligence. Since then, it's simplified into something I now teach as the 3N Model™: Notice, Name, Navigate. Three words. Simple tools you can use undetected, anytime, anywhere, to move from a dysregulated to a regulated nervous system state in real time — warding off an amygdala hijack.

My New Norm

There are still times I get triggered. But it happens less than it used to. As a result, I have more peace and clarity than I've ever had — because my new norm is noticing, naming, and navigating. And that changes everything.

Join Me

If any of this resonates — the effort of trying to keep it all together, the body that's been quietly trying to get a word in — I'm teaching The 3N Model Masterclass: Life, Work & Leadership with Courage & Clarity on October 8th. Free, 45 minutes, real Q&A at the end.

Come curious. Come as you are. Those are honestly the only requirements.