Why People Pleasing Holds Leaders Back—and How to Reclaim Your Power
People pleasing is a common struggle, and leaders are not immune. When we’re overly concerned with what others think, fear and self-doubt seep into our decisions and relationships. At work, this can look like avoiding difficult conversations, overcommitting to requests, or seeking constant approval. At home, it can show up in strained family dynamics or friendships where we silence our own needs to maintain harmony.
When pleasing others replaces regard for ourselves, we lose touch with who we are—and as leaders, we lose the clarity and grounded presence our teams need most.
The Freeze Response and People Pleasing
People pleasing is not just a personality quirk—it’s part of the body’s Freeze Response. By trying to appease others, we unconsciously seek safety: protection from rejection, exposure, or conflict. This pattern is often rooted in past experiences where approval and validation felt like the only way to stay safe.
But what got us here will not get us there. Anything learned can also be unlearned. The key is to recognize that fear is trying to protect you. Instead of resisting it, thank it. Then, through somatic awareness, begin to acknowledge the resources and agency you have now that you didn’t have then. The more you access these resources, the safer—and freer—you will feel.
Signs You May Be Caught in People Pleasing
Struggling with peer pressure—even as an adult
Difficulty saying no
Worrying others misunderstand you
Frequently second-guessing yourself
Slipping into envy or comparison
These are all invitations to pause, notice what’s happening in your body, and explore the deeper roots with curiosity and compassion.
A Somatic “How-To” for Leaders
Notice – When someone makes a request, pause and tune into your body. Are your shoulders tightening? Is your breath shallow? These cues may signal you’re about to slip into automatic people-pleasing.
Name – Acknowledge the response: “I feel pressure to say yes even though I want to say no.” Naming the experience brings it into conscious awareness.
Navigate – From a grounded place, choose how to respond. Maybe you set a boundary. Maybe you ask for time to consider. The key is responding from clarity, not fear.
The Cost of People Pleasing
When we live to please others, our attention fixates outward. We become strangers to ourselves. Over time, this produces disappointment, discontentment, and strained relationships. No amount of external approval can create the internal peace we’re truly seeking. In fact, the unhealthy expectation that others must make us feel secure only fuels cycles of dependency, resentment, and isolation.
Leading with Authenticity
Breaking free from people pleasing doesn’t mean ignoring others’ needs. It means leading with authenticity—balancing care for others with care for yourself. By cultivating somatic awareness, you build the capacity to notice fear, thank it, and choose a different path.
Leaders who do this model a healthier way of relating. They create cultures of trust and psychological safety where authenticity is not only welcomed but expected.
